I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
