I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
