I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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