help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
