Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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