dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
vagina is talking i cant
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
