Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
