filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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