Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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