Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
