you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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