my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
