The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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