We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
