Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
