using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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