He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
