he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
