How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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