Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
