It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
