community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
