I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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