My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My ass is underappreciated
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
