I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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