I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
