got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
