Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
