I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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