I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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