new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
