I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
