i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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