If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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