You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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