A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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