I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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