Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
