It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
