guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
