I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize