They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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