I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
