mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
