so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
