So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
