I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
