I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
