I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize