Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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