i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This house was built for laser tag.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
