I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
