I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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