Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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