So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
