what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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