I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
