my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
