dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
