If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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