Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Someone shit on the floor
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
