you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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