Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
