Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
FUCK WHALES
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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