And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
