Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
