Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
