i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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