Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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