I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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