Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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