So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dicks are not precious.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
