The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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