So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
