I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
