remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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