I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
