you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
