i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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