She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Drake has all the answers
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
