why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
