The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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