Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
