So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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