i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
