my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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